What were you thinking?

There is a certain mystique that surrounds improvising musicians, especially for non-improvisors who are aspiring to make “the leap.” I’m often asked “What were you thinking about while you were soloing on that song?” Truth be told, I’m trying my best not to think of anything at all. During the few “peak experiences” that I’ve ever had while performing I felt a distinct absence of any egoistic formulation. One has the feeling of being played rather than of being the player. More common are the less sublime moments when my mind is actively split between listening, both to others and to myself, with deliberate effort. This is my professional “base level.” I train for this reality even as I wait patiently for the moments of spontaneous grace. Finally, there are the times when I find myself anticipating or formulating a certain interval, pitch, chord, rhythm, or technique that I’m intending to force into the musical conversation. These are always the least vulnerable, least empathic, and least spontaneous moments that I create. And yet, they too are a necessary part of the chain of thoughts that leads from “nothing” to “something.” They have their time and place in a different venue: the practice room.